What The Carter’s Black Effect did was remind me I fight daily for a cause heavily rooted from a misunderstanding of people. Don’t call the kettle black here, because that idea is just my understanding of people. In my War with GOD I piece I published, my fight was with my thoughts. In my War for GOD II, my fight was with my own respect for women. I was hesitant to use ‘GOD’ in the titles, but I did. And through the words you’ve read, if you did read the above pieces, I trust you’ll understand my wars. Whether it was with GOD, for GOD, or simply me putting words of my past floatation tank experience into meaning, then I trust you understand. Thanks for reading and sharing!

This might be where the wild things are…

November 16, 2018

War & GOD III: the People

In War with GOD I: in Black, you read about two dark times in my past. My floatation tank experience, and for the other, I trust is subtle enough in between; because why else would I have come clean?

In War for GOD II: KALI, you read about Kali; my 7-week-old puppy who I adopted last week from the Oregon Humane Society.

She’s a really good girl. A stray turned princess…but more on her later.

I promised people a conclusion. A degree of gratitude to avoid any confusion. Through my dark times in life, I rose with them. As no different than my bright times in life, I fell with them.

Either way, it was my decision. Nearly leading me dead or in prison. The GODDESS Kali was the synergy when ego went too far. Like Tupac far? No, Thugee type far. Loot the enemy far.

I mentioned three years of those love letters, but it could’ve been 5. I’m just grateful I’m alive. Because the first time I heard these kids wore crowns over here, everything wasn’t alright.

I didn’t think I’d see my uncle James again over by Pike.

But it was Tchaikovsky v Drake last week at the Schnitzer where I last heard these kids wore crowns over here. So, you’d think, I thought, I’d live forever in the alright. You’d think the mezzanine’s worth the view for an extra few.

I had a nice view from my 19th floor hotel room in downtown Toronto last April (2018). But even better views from my seat at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre when I saw Mama Pasiyio speak — about how many hours a day it takes the women of her tribe in Narok County (Kenya) to retrieve clean water for their people in the village.

From a source not often clean, but they do it daily for their people’s well-being.

I left Toronto fulfilled. Not only was I closing on my first home days after returning, but I felt the message a small village woman from Kenya delivered to a large conference hall full of upper-middle class citizens of North America.

Great views in perspective.

When I write about synergy, the process of maintaining so is balance and order. When you’re granted perceptive, you decide if you’re a part of the process or the order.

Did you watch too much Law and Order?

These women fight daily for water — life for everyone. The men fight daily for life, that can’t be lived without water. Now we’re back to the significance of women. What, or better yet who’s war do you think those men fight for daily?

I often interrupted myself during my recent floatation tank experience because the thought of Kali either symbolized a spider, or my humorous tone after reading my old love letters.

I’m not referring to love letters to females, but to life.

Even though we ended up at Tchaikovsky v Drake last week, I’ll circle back on the layers of love if they ever existed. The Caucasian kids first sat in our seats up top, I’m sure for the view, but they had to move because they didn’t pay the extra few.

Attraction is often first physical, resembling someone or something of your potential desire. I could’ve sworn I had seen this day before during my days of melatonin overdosing.

No one saw me weak, often sick — fearing you’ll see me weep.

In public I could’ve cracked, I suggest you read my soundtrack.

I admired the mornings as a child but became afraid of the dark after losing balance in life. The dark however, was just my imagination. She first shined as bright as I thought my father would smile forever after seeing him last with open eyes. But instead, he passed. A couple weeks later I respected what I felt he left down for me to pass.

He was a headstrong Christian, GOD fearing man. But I won’t be teaching what he believed for every man.

All he wanted was to lead, influence, and do what’s right for people in his best nature. In his best nature, a once abandoned young boy who they hesitated to bring into the world.

You would’ve thought my grandmother’s kids wore crowns back then because everything ended up being alright.

And so, she shined so bright in the dark, at the bar, we ended up speaking of similar childhood dreams we once had in the dark.

We spoke volumes of our worlds. I first misunderstood her words. And then, I misunderstood her world.

But that’s OK in the world of synergy. Soon we emotionally connected after finding value in each other’s world. Through our words, love was first comfort and respect, but in my past dark times it was just loving the sex.

The same way an individual can make you laugh, they can make you cry. The anxiety of not knowing, is the same anxiety as knowing. Because after my first couple attempts to end my love for life, I wrote about it. Years later, I wrote about it again. In the meantime I had a couple women remind me what the words in those journals meant.

Thank you.

I ran far and hard up the Mt Zion of dopamine to a higher meaning, forgetting about the before me.

What was I running from? When I meet people, they remind me how far I’ve come.

In my world, it’s because of you. But I blame my smile too.

A smile driven by emotions, energy in motion that is driven by a spirit.

Catching me in traffic, I’m typically driven by my BMW.

The same spirit that drives me today, is the same spirit that drove me during both my dark times in life.

The drive’s fuel is love.

My drive to run miles up a hill is love for pain, physical and mental exhaustion. If you read wheels down, you’re greatly appreciated.

The drive’s fuel is love in a way that a physical attraction sparked a moment of childhood happiness.

The drive’s fuel is love in a way that a mental attraction synced a childhood dream.

The drive’s fuel is love in a way that an emotional attraction fulfilled a childhood void.

The drive’s fuel is love in a way that a spiritual understanding drove me to reach my childhood dream.

And with the blessing of seeing my family today, I live to share the true story behind me.

Through words and wordplay.

I’ll share with people this story as promised, who now understand the layers of love if they ever existed.

How to maintain? Love for humanity is first. Are you in love? Well, I bought her a book last year outlining the five love languages. That’s a good start if you’re curious about how to maintain balance in love.


I’ll be publishing an eBook early 2020 about a simple love story. It’ll tie all the above love jargon together in a way that’ll be novel and valuable to my readers. I’ll end this topic at that, look out for DreamTeam in 2020!

For the people, whom are you, I thank you.

You all are a part of the communities that molded me to who I am today; the organizations that involved me, institutions that helped me, corporations that employed me, and the people who know me.

I forgot Church. More importantly, I forgot about how many of those entities I haven’t given back to yet. Despite all my success talk, I’m all talk.

If you read my witty and elegant stories on here, I tend to shed light and honesty on how I felt I somewhat cheated each above entity. Not thugee type cheat, or looting of some sort, but cheat in terms of playing each system well enough to benefit myself.

Apologies, but I was never really on board with the programs on paper. I just enjoyed working with creative people who worked harder and smarter than me.

I’m just not that 9-5 guy I once thought I was…

So, I left it be.

In the same way no one taught me how to precisely live out my dream, they taught me how to live others’ dreams. Others who may look like me. However, they, aren’t necessarily the people. They, are actually what causes the disturbance.

In self-reflecting, they, are often myself.

The people, are you. My readers. Through gratitude I come clean about my story.

If you were ever successful looking up into the dark skies at night, you noticed how we first saw the dark skies as just that; dark. Now that you can see that same darkness as a beauty of canvas to the shiny stars at night, functioning so the people can see where the light shines from, what is it to you?

In my past dark times that I shared, it now functions as a canvas allowing me to see the light I shine in life today.

Because what is it to me now? A thought in the way.

Last weekend in Seattle, I saw my uncle James for the first time in nearly two decades. I saw a light in his eyes, fulfilling like a childhood dream of mine.

But only if you knew his story.

Because the last I saw him, this was all a childhood dream of mine.

With that said, it’s worth mentioning that my Grandfather’s kids wore crowns back then, so everything is OK.

In the same way, I felt my father’s smile for the first time in nearly two years during my recent floatation tank experience. He was surprised; happy at how well I’ve done in life, despite him never knowing how close I’d come with a knife.

Can you envision his reaction seeing me today… “you’re a writer now...?”

I guess I beat him to the people. But he knew his kids wore crowns back then, so everyone of us is OK.

And that’s somewhat how my floatation tank experience ended. I was fresh out the wound, a new something. A new something to the people. If you read Aviator, you’ll know who my colleagues are today.

You’ll know who, and what I go to war for daily.


Born and raised in Portland, Oregon, Budd writes to encourage readers to explore the depths of their inner ocean, an unexplored self, because it's fun once you get through the emotional part... “The world around us is our vehicle, what you'll read is how I digest it.” -Budd

6 Comment on “War & GOD III: ThePeople

  1. Pingback: War for GOD II: KALI | @VehicleDigest.net

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