November 14, 2018

Love’s biggest secret is that many of us are bliss to its layers. The understanding of these layers isn’t determined by chance or fate, but rather the path an individual decides to pursue.

If you didn’t read War With GOD I: In Black, do that! This is the second of three I’ll publish about the following experience—concluding with War & GOD III: ThePeople. I’ll take you into the mind of an honest writer because I too, was curious as a child. These pieces will stand alone so it won’t be necessary to read them in sequence, but I highly recommend you do.

To recap War With GOD I: In Black, I wrote about my recent Floatation Tank experience and the stages I manifested to get fully sensory deprived. I floated in the dark, atop silky luke-warm water enclosed in a tank filled with 800lbs of Epsom salt.

No sight, sound, touch, or smell but I saw black. The experience was one of two dark times in my life I’ve shared with readers.

If you’ve never experienced the floatation tank, imagine trying to release every sensory that makes us human. It’s a bit more than ‘letting go and letting GOD’, because you don’t feel shit.

The tank lets go for you. It’s like you died but still experience the mind floating in the dark. Thoughts become these string of words and pictures. One of the spa’s staff ladies coined the expression for when I was done, “you’ll be fresh out the wound…”

After getting into the dark tank I had to find balance floating in silky luke-warm water, and then figure out how to make orderly corporeal motions. Two things I recall physically was seeing black, the few stories in my head, and again, black. The war was in deciding what to think.

But how do you decide not to think? Or better asked, who’ll decide for me once comprehending how to let go?

And who the f%ck is Kali?

If you’re familiar with the divine Hindu GODDESS, Kali-Ma, then her.

She’s a GODDESS of many characteristics, known as the divine mother of dark, creation, preservation and destruction. And no, I don’t worship her.

I referred to her in War With GOD I: In Black after hearing GOD be characterized as a black woman prior to floating. It’s an aged idea. And during my floatation tank experience, I came to respect the feminist aspects of our GODLY actions and outcomes.

This is for the agnostics, atheists, and those who are confused in between. Maybe after reading this you’ll understand my GOD, or decide if he even exists.

Kali maybe divine in the aspects of feminist culture, spirituality, and the most misunderstood icons of good versus evil, but she’s also my seven week old puppy I recently adopted from the Oregon Humane Society.

She’s a really good girl. So, stay tuned because I’ll have more on this boopper next week! #followthisblog

The various perceptions of Kali explained life to me in many forms—and once I was confident in my own well-being, I understood the synergy needed to succeed in modern society. What does that mean? Let’s hope I’m not making shit up.

Although I won’t always need a woman to be successful, at least I get a female puppy to walk me through sanity.

On the other hand, I’ve attracted women just as easy and failed worse. Through a few unwarranted decisions in my past, well, I’m no longer here nor there. And here I go making shit up again.

But I’m referring to maintaining balance in a floatation tank—next to the synergy of order through stillness. At first I forgot what goes up, must come down. In order to take care of this itch without causing any disturbances in the water, I submerged both my arms together to scratch my butt. Balance was maintained, and I got to float, float on….

Coo’ story bro…

Consequences for disturbing the balance are inevitable. Knowing that if you disturb, or go against the laws of the floatation tank, balance and order, you could either slip out of control, get salt in your eyes, which defeats the purpose of the experience.

Maybe some people do fun stuff in there? Let me know if you do, I’ll try it on my next float.

You can be creative in the mind if you decide to think. The limitless part is how you can interpret the experience, and make shit up like I’m writing.

Why was Kali significant for me in this experience?  

After seeing a picture of the Hindu GODDESS Kali-Ma, I Googled her. Then went on a research binge through Google Scholars. The imagery of her is often why she’s misunderstood. But in the context of time, her image was necessary.

In the context of time, her image can be scary. In the same way her image represents Joy and Happiness, in the context of time, Kali is the consequence of disturbing earth’s balance.

She is the worst thing that can happen to a man, resembling the spider on my wall, yet GOD blessed those who don’t suffer from arachnophobia.

I don’t kill spiders.

Maybe you suffer from the fear of darkness, anxiety, time, preservation or self-destruction. She’s symbolic for the Ego killer within.

Kali was a developing thought surfacing in the floatation tank. The more I thought about her, she came to be an afterthought thinking of time, because I only had 90-minutes in the tank. The anxiety was there, sort of, but then I remembered the rules. As those were maintained, I had no issues with anxiety, even while scratching my butt.

Maintaining said rules meant avoiding the consequences by not causing muddled salty water around me to splash. So again, I float, allowing stories to manifest in my mind’s string of thoughts. Thinking without thinking. You can decide what you think…

Either way you dummy, you’ll be thinking.

Meanwhile, sensory deprived, vision in black, hearing is silent, it’s the closest thing non-astronauts get to experiencing space. And my weightless body creates the void, as does taste, but that’s just the dummy in I.

Assuming sensory deprivation is just me thinking, at a certain point I could’ve fell asleep, got impatient, or claustrophobic, giving myself a panic attack. Maybe do some planning next time and mix it up..? Regardless, I welcome the dark thoughts.

That’s how I got to share with readers my other dark time…. Maybe it’s time you read War With GOD I: In Black, if you haven’t already.

It’s worth mentioning religions will presume one GOD; the father, the son, and spirit worshiped in one. As per Yoga, uniting the trilogy of each GOD head, it’s this trio who connects us as people. No more or less than Tupac revolutionizing rap culture through his aggressive lyrics. A savant of a character.

Go Google Thuggee.

Now I’ll tell you about me coming out of the wound, the end of my floatation tank experience. It’s for readers curious about why I mentioned most People don’t understand our layers of love.

-Budd

Continued here!