August 24, 2019

By avoiding the voices outside of me, I grew to trust the one growing within.

First, I evaluated my distractions; from my phone, television, stuff to read, my puppy, and family—it all took me away from what I feel is my purpose. It unveiled my misunderstanding of resistance. Also, everything outside of my control from the future, past, and people, has led me to self-compassion. It’s become my best friend in this lone writing journey.

My daily battles were in the emotions I can’t control. Although my past is null and void, I couldn’t prove any of it allows my progress to come to life each morning. When it came down to writing, I fought the ever emerging emotions that pulled me back into my past.

What’s this all mean?

As a full-time writer it hindered my tasks. The emotions which proceeded a thought were the correlating ques driving resistance. It got really bad in June—I mean, defeated, in terms of I couldn’t get my book done. Like the amateur I predicted to be, I ran out of money. Talk about a new train of anxiety, I was on track to failure.

Envisioning the life of a failing writer, and an ignorant daring dreamer, the sucker in me questioned the aviator’s decision. Remember self-compassion?

So, I had to beat up that sucker, and politely inform him I’m new at this. Because now, I have a better lesson to teach those who’re coming up after me. This is hard work, duh…. But still I was with a new challenge daily, a different sacrifice, and a familiar feeling of hurt. It created an unrealistic photo of my future.

After the sucker gave in, I refused to let that photo turn into a motion picture; you know, the one where I fail and lose everything because I wasn’t strategic enough about my honestprenuerial goals?

Anyways, it had me waking up dreading the day, thinking dreams were fading away. Maybe I was depressed, but I found that my drive is in fighting new pains. These new pains became the fears my emotions recreated—in that I’m creating a new path to trail-blaze on the go.

Some won’t get this…

The road less traveled means you don’t have others’ paths to trust, or move forward on what’s paved. It’s envisioning your own way to success, and understanding you could[will] fail. The challenge is being realistic in asking, “am I delusional?” Well, most entrepreneurs must be. Unless their business plan is clearly spelled out, others don’t see their end goal anyways.

And as an FYI, there is no end goal. Just ensure you’re making money and having fun.

What we see is recreated each morning. Through the pains of yesterday, yesteryear, and others instilling fear, we move forward dusting off our shoulders. It’s a rock bottom game that I hate loving. The love, however, is in creating the new and now.

If your job was to wake up every morning and recreate the dream you feel you owe yourself, I suggest you avoid looking outside of yourself. Looking to others prolongs the dream’s purpose. Deep within you is your dream, and it will awaken you. Soon you’ll see it living outside of you.

Get the picture? Wake up and be you.

-Budd