Photo by Simon Migaj on Unsplash

August 22, 2019

Through the loneliness of writing, pains of anxiety, and living beside its many delusions, I’ve embraced a whirlwind perception. In that, what we’re used to clinging onto, must be assessed. Whether it be your phone you grab every 11 minutes, touching your hair, face, or simply watching TV every night, any attempt to avoid it is discomforting.

Because what else would you do? The idea of breaking a habit lies in looking yourself in the mirror, hypothetically to ask, “why do I do this?”

Personally, my habits are done because I either don’t have shit else to do, it’s fun, or my body allows it. Without effort, I find myself doing things I never thought out. Most are harmless, today, but when anxiety speaks in silence it’s the first sign.

Love for example is a habit. Looking past toxic relationships are not. We all feel we need people because they’ve been there for us. When someone betrays you, which people often do, we forgive and forget. And silently we forget to move on. Habitual lovers on many levels may keep toxic people in their lives just as close as they keep toxic habits. I’m guilty of this too. The awareness factor is what we fight—it’s what I fight. It creates anxiety, false narratives, and delusions of both our past and future.

Consequences are lost time, thoughts, which could’ve been put to better use.

Looking from the outside onto others, we typically call them out before we do with ourselves. We fail to look ourselves in the mirror to ask, “is what I’m doing now for tomorrow, or today?” Do it and see how your body reacts.

I’m no spiritual healer, I don’t have degrees in any mental health counseling field, but I have a past if you dare to ask. One that I’ve learned to move on from—and one that many of my readers can relate to. My blog wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t chose to look up to life like a box of chocolates.

I never knew what I’d get out of life, so I enjoy what I’ve got.

Anyways, looking forward and ever onward, we see first, think second, then whatever our emotions find useful is what’s next—why wouldn’t you agree? There are many layers in the body working in conjunction to make decisions for us. From the gut emotions we can’t control, to the headlights of information, our mind, we forget our brains can make logical decisions.

Decisions guided by the feelings we forget to see, create our mood.

Breaking habits are not easy, but understand, easy is a choice as much as hard can be as simple. Anxiety is not a choice, however, your reaction is. So be it your echo chambers are at work, in your family, school, or some group—who’ll all influence your thoughts. What they don’t influence is your next breath.

And that’s now.

If you’re aware enough, each inhaling breath will emerge a new thought. The best ones, due to habit, unfortunately we’ll expose of. Why? That’s where you must answer.

We cannot control others, yesterday, or tomorrow, but we can control the now. I nearly lost faith in publishing book one. Then I came to the conclusion that it was my choice to give up that faith. I can’t control what went wrong, my past choices, or what others think of my writing. What I can control is what I choose now.

Because now is yesterday, and our perception of it. Now is today, along with our perception of it. Now is also tomorrow, which comes with our perception. So ask yourself who, or what now, is influencing the now for you?

Whatever ‘it’ or ‘they’ are, that’s where you’ll want to start at to break bad habits.

Kthnxbye 🙂

-Budd