Photo by Yuuza

Thursday, October 28, 2021

I started writing the first post published on VehicleDigest late December 2013, and finally published it February 2014. And I never wanna’ read it again. It took me two months to write because I was also working downtown Portland. I don’t think anyone read it besides my mom. And she’s my first Ko-fi supporter.

In fact, she was first to donate to my GoFundMe two years ago.

And guess what, running that campaign felt AWFUL.

I told myself I’d never run a crowdfunding campaign again. Nothing spells selfish more than a, ‘give me your money so I can pursue my…,’ campaign.

So, I’m doing it again.

What was most humiliating was not showing donors my enthusiasm. I had close to 40 people donate, and as promised, each of them are thanked in my book. While listing everyone in the Appreciation Section of RIGIL, the emotions of that time in my life resurfaced. I even started to remember each moment my phone lit up to notify me of a new donation.

And guess what, it felt AWESOME.

But getting to that moment took hours of soul searching, vulnerability, and doubt. Maybe that’s why I didn’t meet my goal.

One thing I’ll be honest about, the dollar amount kept changing, so I never had a goal. What I ended up getting out of it was hope, support, and a process. None of which implies having a goal.

So, without you asking, here’s how I feel about goals.

When I started working in tech support seven years ago, as an employee, my only goal was to be there for customers. Aside from customer satisfaction metrics and helping co-workers get promoted, the company’s goal is met by sustaining structure in its support department. Imagine if Verizon, an airline, or Xfinity’s customer service line sucked 75 percent more.

The fact we gotta’ call them, sucks.

Anyways, with the exception of one big goal of mines, I don’t care to have many of them. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.

And neither is this button…

Structures, processes, and a designed body of framework is the result of several small accomplished goals—much like my first blog post, where I sat down, shutted the fuck up and just wrote. It sounds simple. But showcasing my writing started with buying a special notebook to journal my frustrations in.

I went from dear journal, to honestly not giving a middle finger. Now I have to search for pictures of them on the internet. Which is much like the process I have of finding strength in my GOD, nature’s bliss, or what feels right. Once our signals connect and I begin receiving what our universe has to offer, I get soo much more than what I’ve ever gotten from Google or AskJeeve’s old ass.

So don’t think I’m writing this just to ask for your money, because I am—it’s what creatives do. We creatively put our hands out for a handout. Either way, we will stand out.

I’m convinced us creatives put up with this to seek moments that could leave us in AWE.

So, here’s that button again, where you’re empowered to create one of those aw…. moments, and for as little as 3 buc, you’ll get a shout out on my next BuddTalk’s Podcast episode.

My final take away before robbing you for your lunch money; make a goal, but start small. Envision that small goal becoming a step with one or two more steps proceeding above it. And write it down.

Need help?

Write down your most recent Awkward moment—because you often won’t get anywhere without a road map. More importantly, awkward and awful moments are how dreams come true.

Repeat that process for at least five days and I promise you’ll find yourself experiencing the better aw… moments of life. And personally, I have a process of completing several small goals, which will lead me to an awesome moment where I’m thanking you during my Nobel Peace Prize speech.

Trust me, you wouldn’t want to be the joker on the wrong side of understanding this…

Kthanxbye 🙂

-Budd

Ps, Hi mom.

Get my thoughts, stories, and poetry, directly to your inbox…

Born and raised in Portland, Oregon, Budd writes because no one can 'read' him. And it's a great way to hide public thoughts...

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