Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Friday, December 6, 2019

First creating the relative idea around success, it’s not the same for everyone. Your peer’s definition of succeeding might be an event which you’ve already surpassed in life, e.g., a promotion to management, job certification, a higher degree in education, or a rite of passage allowing them to excel passed their recent ranks in position.

For me, success is defined in one simple action each morning; what about you? The goal here is to bring an outside perspective of success into a world I once graded myself on daily.

Through the five love languages, each are embedded into what speaks to our soul, mind, and thriving spirits. Our internal systems of gratification are triggered differently. Some people don’t care for a physical touch, others seek words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and for me it’s acts of service. I’ll focus on each love language one at a time, but begin with the most difficult love languages to explain.

Acts of service is the transaction of servicing the heart. I define heart as the deep child-like being within each of us, which often desires comfort, care, stability, and structure. It’s what keeps the lights on inside, otherwise we’re playing the game with our ego—the other part of our mind.

‘What have you done for me lately?‘

Acts of service is the transactional gesture of satisfying your loved ones. Love, having its many layers, is different for everyone. In case you’re confused with the act of giving a gift and words of affirmation, it differs in that the transaction must be specific to one’s satisfaction, personal pursuit, or self-fulfillment.

A gift might be deemed an act of service, but if it doesn’t resonate with the receiver, the object isn’t fulfilling. Help with accomplishing a difficult task at work, home, writing a letter of recommendation, or providing you with a tool to succeed, is servicing the heart for convenience. This differs from the other four love languages in that it empowers your ability to prosper easier. It’s one of the more difficult love languages to comprehend in relationships because it’s predominantly situational.

Words can transcribe to a service, but the essence must be in transcendence, i.e., a life lesson, inspiration, or a motivating speech. In this case, words of affirmation differ from acts of service by a speaker’s unsolicited approach.

Some people thrive off random compliments or encouragement—I don’t, but can depending on context.

Projecting your love language onto someone is the essence of a dysfunctional relationship, and I cannot stress how important context is. It can confuse the way we express ourselves to each other. We can all appreciate each layer of love, but ask yourself, what best speaks to you at any given moment?

Most of what I know was developed from experience and a couple books I never finished. It became simple when I understood mines, and recalling a few ex-lover’s language preferences.

I began writing this to emphasize my appreciation for understanding the world I can live in. Knowing that our love languages can be expressed for self-servicing purposes, and not just in relationships, allows me to progress through a lone writing journey in peace.

Every morning it starts with 11 deep breaths, stretching, and meditation. Without an order of such transactions, how else would I serve myself successfully to reach you?