September 19, 2019**

My nephew—let’s call him, ‘The Boy’ for now.

On a morning I’d awaken to a sea of anxiety within, the easing into the kitchen would prolong the feeling. Self shaming myself grape after grape, I set bacon on the skillet and give myself a mindful slap on the wrist.

The grapes are desert.

I ate out of order, just as much as I ate out of anxiety and failed to make my bed first. Every 10-days or so, it’s the one thing I forget to do. Needing to get my shit together to babysit The Boy later that morning, I quickly ate, cleaned my house, ran my dog to the park and back, then jetted out the door to my mom’s house.

I was seven minutes late. But on time because her CareOregon meeting didn’t start for a while. Relieving her of babysitting, I was left with him crying.

For reasons a writer doesn’t care to share, I had enough stress to deal with. So, his tears had to go…

By tuning to Xfinity’s soundscape MusicChoice channel, meditative flutes, soft guitar strings, and water was the melodies for him to cry to.

Within five minutes The Boy shut up.

For the next five hours we did exactly this; in the capture above, not shown is my phone which is face down, on silent, while inspirational music plays to the quotes reappearing on the soundscape channel.

Who knows what The Boy watched, besides me. He can’t read, yet, but he could read me interpreting the sounds as solace.

Life is available only in the present moment.

Thich Nhat Hanh

That morning when I had anxiety,

It was my body telling my mind where it needs to be.

Not a kitchen, or vacay, but here, so allow morning to ease into me.

You’re thinking today’s tomorrow; use time, don’t borrow.

The moments I yearned for wasn’t seen by barreling.

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our soul blossom.

Marcel Proust

You’d look me in the eye, brighter than Buddy’s prize.

In a home away from home, your earth’s newest drone.

To tell people how simple happiness can be shown.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear: Not absence of fear.

Mark Twain

Oh, you cry too?

Don’t let this writer fool you.

I feared you’d cry all day.

Good thing I knew what music to play.

It is your own convictions which compels you; that is, choice compels choice.

Epictetus

Because I chose to show up, the babysitter had to grow up.

From past cries and people’s petty lies, they made me love me!

During mornings, that can be hard to see…

The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.

John Dewey

Showing up was half the job.

Choosing peace would then solidify.

Why you’re here…

To wipe away a future cry.

Rest in reason; move in passion

I forgot who…

It’s never necessary to show meaning in everything.

But when the past is moving on you, it’s a sign often cunning.

What’s The Boy got on me?

Beauty in that he only knows how to be.

A bright eyed boy whom I see smiling.

And a reminder of the days I can look back and see,

He made it a great day and just for me.

-Budd