September 19, 2019**
There’s a boy my sister gave birth to — let’s call him, ‘The Boy’ for now.
On a morning I’d awaken to a sea of anxiety within, the easing into the kitchen would prolong the feeling. Self shaming myself grape after grape, meanwhile putting bacon on the skillet realizing the grapes are for desert.
I ate out of order, just as much as I ate out of anxiety and failed to make my bed first. Every 10-days or so it’s the one thing I forget to do.
I needed to get my shit together because I was suppose to babysit The Boy later that morning. I ate, cleaned my house, ran my dog to the park and back, then jetted out the door to my mom’s house.
I was 7 minutes late. But on time because mom’s CareOregon meeting didn’t start for a while. She left me with The Boy — relieving her of babysitting I was left with him crying.
For reasons a writer doesn’t care to share, I had enough stress to deal with. The tears had to go!
So, I created peace for him to cry to. I turned to Xfinity’s soundscape MusicChoice channel to listen to meditative flutes, soft guitar strings, and water as melody on some tracks.
Within 5 minutes The Boy shut up.
For the next 5 hours we did exactly this; in the capture above, not shown is my phone face down, on silent, while inspirational music played on the soundscape channel and the quotes reappearing on television.
Who knows what The Boy watched — besides me. He can’t read yet, but he could likely read me interpreting the sounds as a solace.
Life is available only in the present moment.Thich Nhat Hanh
That morning when I had anxiety,
It was my body telling my mind where it needs to be.
Not a kitchen, or vacay, but here so allow morning to ease into me.
You’re thinking today’s tomorrow — use time don’t borrow.
The moment I yearned for was never seen by barreling.
But in between while my sorrows peep.
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our soul blossom.Marcel Proust
You’d look me in the eye, brighter than Buddy’s prize.
In a home away from home, your earth’s newest drone.
To tell people how simple happiness can be shown.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear: Not absence of fear.Mark Twain
I feared you’d cry all day.
Good thing I knew what music to play.
Oh, you cry too?
Don’t let this writer fool you.
It is your own convictions which compels you; that is, choice compels choice.Epictetus
Because I chose to show up, the babysitter had to grow up.
From past cries, people with petty lies, they made me love me!
But in the morning it can be hard to see…
The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.John Dewey
Showing up was half the job.
Choosing peace would then solidify.
Why you are here – to wipe away a future cry.
Rest in reason; move in passionI forgot who…
It’s never necessary to show meaning in everything.
But when the past is moving on you it’s a sign often cunning.
What’s The Boy got on me?
Beauty in that he only knows how to be.
A bright eyed boy whom I see smiling.
And a reminder of the days I can look back and see.
You made it a great day for me.