Photo taken at a random beach in Porto Seguro, BA Brazil

April 27, 2019

I’ve come a long way to be in the best shape of my life. From migraines after intense workouts, and then throwing up while having light sensitivity—I often ended days crying in pain. I remember the dark vivid dreams that kept my head burrowed deep under pillows for hours and through the night. Lights out, my day would be done.

I’d first get the blinding aura, in either eye, if I care to remember. If I was at the gym or far from home, I knew I’d be driving blind. Or worse, canceling the rest of my day if I had plans. I once called into work and my boss at the time told me to just take an Advil and get to work, now!

Fuck him.

Migraines don’t work like that. If you experience chronic migraines, or have in the past, then I understand how difficult it is to get people to see how disruptive they are, especially to your well-being and anxiety.

I remember first getting them around seven or eight years old. The most severe migraine I recall lasted four, maybe five days. Bed ridden and dreaming all day, not knowing when the pain would go away, the doctors told my mom I was just sick with a head cold. It was a constant cycle of blurs, vibrating throughout my bedroom. Through four days of this, I daydreamed as sleep was just as painful and useless. My bedroom walls maneuvered like the haunted thrill houses at carnivals, or city fairs. For hours, I’d watch my room become an abstracting playhouse turning colors, waving at me, meanwhile, my head throbbing without a hint of an ending.

By day five it began to let up, but the pulsing on the upper left throbbed as it peaked every ten minutes. Each breath I took was a question of when the pain would go away. All I could do was lie still.

As I got older, migraines came after intense cardio workouts. I was in love with basketball but the sport hated me. I played rec’ ball up until the migraines reminded me the pain wasn’t worth it.

Around 17, I was becoming the tall, dark and handsome man I am today. With that, came the assumption that I played a sport. Whenever I got the question it triggered an insecurity. Not just my migraine hindrance, but my health was horrible.

Freshman year in college, my blood pressure was higher than me today at a Curren$y concert. That same year, I began working out a lot, and migraines joined me. Although I haven’t had a four day migraine since childhood, after discovering beast-mode, I welcomed the migraines like an old childhood friend[demon].

I moved to Las Vegas, NV to attend UNLV when I was 18. That year I felt the beginning of what would be my beast tamer.

Workout too long, too hard, then I knew I’d get the blind spot signaling excruciating head pain on the way. My anxiety grew as migraines became imminent.

Fuck my life.

So, I learned to slow down in the gym, but beast wasn’t having it. My mind was ready, but my body was suffering from a bad food eater’s habit. And, I drank three days a week. In college we partied, a lot.

I once partied off a migraine. The hangover was nothing compared to the headaches I was getting. I even remember triggering migraines on purpose. When I was getting into running, at times I’d sprint extra laps, preparing for the pain, and fed up with having to dip in and out of the gym.

Early on, doctors never figured me out. I tried three prescriptions and none of them worked. You’d think after 15 years of this I would have at least found a reliable provider to give me good advice, but the remedy came with much more effort needed on my end. So, I started with the underlying problem.

It was hard cutting down on drinking, but I had to find an incentive. The hurt really came when I found myself crying day and night for reasons I couldn’t explain. Which led me to working out in fear that my rest would be worse.

With the help of my PA-C, who understood my confusing background, unique lifestyle, and candor of ignorance, I simply followed through. Because easy was just as simple as a natural way.

The cost was a sacrifice. I gave up the foods she told me to stay away from. It took a year but I felt better, started to think better, run better and box better. Now I’m all that and your favorite bag of high-cholesterol potato chips.

Just saucy…

I won’t ever judge anyone for eating crappy, or being out of shape, it’s not my place to speak on others’ lifestyle. Unless asked. More importantly, I don’t care. Your life, your choice.

My later lifestyle choices got my heart to generate horse-powers up hilltops, and to fight in an everlasting write of life… I chose a strict diet because it supports my daily habits. If you think your lifestyle sucks, look at what you consume.

You are what you eat.

The food industry is full of confusing junk. Which is why most people don’t care. But you have to set a goal right for your body. And learning to listen to your body, well, that’s another topic.

For now, continue to drink more water, find daily vitamins to take, and plan for a vacation. That’s what your body is really asking for. Better things to consume, for peaceful surroundings to thrive.

-Budd