Photo taken in Rhododendron, Oregon
Friday, September 20, 2024
It amazes me how many hours go by with me alone in my mind. Nights and days pass with little to no contact with those who are incapable of not caring. This may answer why I crash around others—squeezing every bit of communal joy from the connection of ThePeople. And then they repulse because they’re not me and wouldn’t understand.
I often question where I belong? Or if I believe that my solitude is something I get to experience or must let pass until something is understood within?
I know I want connection and community, but the joy in that has a shelf life—for me, at the least. This could be the very reason I get this lonely lifestyle. But I must remind myself that loneliness is not synonymous with sadness.
It amazes me how vulnerable I can get in hopes of companionship. I express myself unconditionally in a way that may feel sabotaging. Moods where I’m compulsively checking my phone for a text message no one will send. Or having to delete all my social media apps off my phone because it feels just as pathetic to look paranoid by looking out the window every five minutes as if I committed a crime last night…
-Budd
This Is Where BuddWrites 