Sunday, December 22, 2019

To conclude the 44-day GoFundMe story campaign, each day emphasized a word putting meaning to my writing journey. To potential donors, those who support it, and readers, this was a dare to show up daily through the words expressed from my heart. The only expectation is to ride out the campaign until fully funded. Showing up both on my blog, and in front of people who’d become the angels helping me succeed.

This post will conclude the story campaign as a mashup to summarize each story, poem, and article published promoting the project.

My patience was tested. I had to make a music playlist to help channel my thought patterns. The music would become the aide to living my beast life.

The story behind each post of the campaign lies at the heart of the road I take every morning. Hoping it brings me to an airplane; an infatuation of mines since first flying to Louisiana as a child, and overseas to Japan. Which is where I enjoyed the ice cream cone in the feature photo when I was 11.

Although each morning I’d fight the drag out of sleep, the challenge of this campaign was finding those who care. And individuals who don’t see money as a barrier, creators who’ve overcome financial hurdles, and people who pursued their dreams and passions despite a mountain of failures approaching at any moment.

To my family and friends who don’t get me, I get it. I am difficult to read. I jump into insanity each day pursuing my ultimate goals. In the beginning I pursued financial freedom, then it became reaching people to support me, and now it’s peace of mind.

And I got it.

Knocking out the anxiety and fears of failure is my strength. I don’t care what people think of me either – a stoic embracing manner. Autumn was monumental because the warrior deep within came to light. In faith I knew my low moods would pass. The gift of being able to bridge myself into a peaceful state of mind was something I never thought I’d accomplish.

I was under the belief that stress, and anxiety was a lifetime of fighting through compassion. The lesson, however, you can have peace at any moment despite what life presents to you. I did this through music, finding a fulfilling task to engage in, or give in because it sure will pass.

Nothing lasts forever…

Life is a journey where we must push ourselves in the beginning. Then you can enjoy the beach of it. Or, accept that life’s a bitch and peace is for the rich.

Rest your mind – for a rested crop grows an abundance of joy when untouched. The moon became a key player in my story. Looking up at it helped me fall out of love.

How?

Well, it’s seen me in my worst and best of times. No, the moon may not be conscious, but it functions as well as we do trusting our gut instincts.

We are a part of nature and here for a reason. And soon I’ll be looking at the moon on the other side of this crowdfunding journey.

A tamed mind allows for better decision making. You can attract an abundance of joy, prosperity, and people when expressed appropriately. I learned that my story may not be monumental to a mass amount of people because I haven’t earned their respect.

I don’t care for respect – but in some regard I do in order to pay my bills.

My life of gratitude would show me I don’t need money to succeed. Finding new meaning in my journey is the payday.

It may sound contradicting, but I’ve developed such grit by writing to people who’ve ignored me. They now fuel my determination to make it to a place they’ll see me without either of us trying.

Where, and how? If I knew the answer it wouldn’t happen.

Tony Stark inspired.

Through a train of inspirational thought patterns, I hand wrote letters to people. Seeking support, credible donors, mentors and sponsorship, maybe my ability to connect with my deep self intimidates people?

Maybe I wasted my time with them?

In a campaign starting off with the assumption I’d be fully funded by now the take-away is this. Most people don’t care about your dreams and passions — they’re all busy working to sustain and protect their own securities.

You can show up to give people your heart daily but still fail to convert readers into a supporter. People are assholes. You can’t trust strangers who can’t figure you out. Malcolm Gladwell’s latest, Talking To Strangers, outlines the idea we are all subconsciously trying to figure people out. And for those who are mismatched, referring to the people who are difficult to ‘read’ and understand, our gestures are ambiguous to others.

Maybe my words and goals are overly abstract. As a writer and content creator I’ve accepted the idea I may not succeed in the bigger picture; of being funded by the people, successfully running a crowdfunding campaign, and must live with the notion the market said, “no, Budd, try again later..”

With that said, I cared enough to create rules and make everything around me peace. I birthed a living beast, warrior in faith, and as a final word in this 44-day story campaign, ambiguity is what’ll guide me to be speaking to crowds of people.

I’m taking this GoFundMe on the road. Starting in my hometown, Portland, Oregon, I’ll be showing up at open mics, poetry slams, and places where I can express my creative mind to gain supporters.

Accepting the work ahead of me, I have faith in those who’ll get me. People don’t read but to my voice and presence they’ll listen. And feel who their dollars are supporting.

Conversations enable conversions. And the vagueness in which I come off by is somewhat the heart I’ve expressed to my potential donors. Because I don’t know where writing will take me, but I trust it won’t break me.

From the heart of a childish type writer, my heart is what you’ve received. Can’t figure me out? Neither can I – this determined heart of mines fucks with my own expectations each day.

-Budd

Would You Help Fund A Writer, Today?

Born and raised in Portland, Oregon, Budd writes to encourage readers to explore the depths of their inner ocean, an unexplored self, because it's fun once you get through the emotional part... “The world around us is our vehicle, what you'll read is how I digest it.” -Budd

One Comment on “Did You Receive Something From Me?

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