Photo taken at Phoenix Goodyear Airport (2018)

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

It would be Boston’s snowfall which caused the anxiety hours after this picture was taken. After my last session at the 2018 Phoenix WordCamp, I had rented a Camaro to drive out near some hilltop south of Phoenix to stargaze. I had a red-eye flight to catch that night and plenty of time.

Unfortunately, it was overcast. Instead I drove around the city having at it with the SS. All 450+ horses of it. After a chicken and rice meal, I Googled the nearest airplane dead yard. Phoenix has a few. And on my way to the nearest – I gunned it!

Switching lanes while my shades and hat low, would you have assumed the young man driving was more excited about seeing decommissioned aircrafts?

Driving across every lane, rooftop’s back, and doing 20 above the speed limit on I10, I had a red eye flight to Boston that night. Somewhat muddled that my stargazing plans had changed because of the weather.

It would be the clouds over Phoenix which drove the anxiety I had before the photo was taken. My Celestron TravelScope was in the trunk ready to go. It was chilly out, so I went and grabbed a bowl, extra layers for the desert’s windchill, and snacks for if I got frustrated trying to focus the scope.

Sometimes you need to plan for frustrating moments.

It would’ve been my first time using the telescope. But instead the Phoenix Goodyear Airport became a part of this evening. What followed was more time to kill. After the airplanes stood there in the background, I realized I’d taken a great photo.

And that sums up the moment…

After that, however, I checked Boston’s weather. Snow was falling into the night which was jeopardizing my plans there. I was returning to Portland that following afternoon – but first after wheels down at Logan International, I had to prep for my run near Nahant Beach just north of Boston.

The fear was that I’d come all the way across the country to run a route snowed out. Descending over Boston the ground was white. The rental lady advised I get a 4-wheel drive. It was worth the upgrade.

It satisfied me driving through the snowy and icy roads of Boston. The ground was cold, my feet were freezing, the chill was cutting, but airplanes and running was what I journeyed there to do.

It would be the fourth cornering coastline of the United States I had run after Nahant Beach.

What’s the big deal?

This is day 12 of my 44-day story campaign promoting my GoFundMe. Since Phoenix and Boston last year I’ve had many moments that aren’t a big deal.

But whoever thought those moments would be the memories that calm my anxiety? I’ve always wanted to write, or say, I’ve ran the four corners of the United States. I didn’t run around them precisely, but the thought of it after running the Santa Monica Pier in 2016 spun in my head about how I’d make it count.

It would be on the 11th day of this story campaign that I didn’t show up. I felt a minor panic in the mind approaching with the thought of writing. It’s just how anxiety works sometimes. You learn when to push it, and when to simply rest.

It felt great doing nothing all day. Just watching my body assume the positions on my couch. I couldn’t recall the last I did a zero productivity day.

As decommissioned airplanes do I sat in my space — all to reminisce the days in flight. Weather can be like emotions, unpredictable if you’re not paying attention.

It would be the day after I put the Camaro in front of the airplanes I realized this; sometimes you gotta’ plan for the high anxiety days.

Or else the weather will, and you’re stuck sitting somewhere thinking about what you did….


Would You Help Fund A Writer?

Born and raised in Portland, Oregon, Budd writes to encourage readers to explore the depths of their inner ocean, an unexplored self, because it's fun once you get through the emotional part... “The world around us is our vehicle, what you'll read is how I digest it.” -Budd

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